The Shadowlands

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VC: vocals, Fender Precision bass, Mosrite acoustic, Fender Strat, Yamaha CS1 Synth (organ), bongos, drum programming; Anglela Hessler: violin

Side four ends with “The Shadowlands” which was inspired by the film “Shadowlands” about the tragic love between author C. S. Lewis and American poet Joy Gresham. I walked out of the theater where I had just seen this moving and drove out to Venice Beach with my bicycle. I had been living at home for about six months while going to school at Cal State Northridge for my teaching credential. It nearly a year to the day since I had written “Helpless, Hopeless, Romantic” but that seemed like a lifetime away. My life had changed so completely since I had written the previous song, “No Answer.” Lewis and Gresham’s pained and tortured romance so reminded me of my own experiences and Lewis’ walled in emotions really hit close to home. I sat on the beach and the words of these two star crossed souls so completely echoed over and over in my head. Lewis mulls: “Why love, if losing hurts so much? I have no answers anymore: only the life I have lived. Twice in that life I've been given the choice: as a boy and as a man. The boy chose safety, the man chooses suffering. The pain now is part of the happiness then. That's the deal.” And Gresham succinctly replies: “We can't have the happiness of yesterday without the pain of today. That's the deal.” Ah…so well put. And here I sat on a Southern California beach which was the epitome of modern beauty. In the middle of January it was sunny and warm with beautiful men and women, skating, walking and biking nearby. But in my mind's eye I saw only darkness and shadows. I took their words and paraphrased them, even reversing the sentiment to describe my difficulties accepting they joy I experienced while Anna and I were together. She had helped me to understand that my previous suffering was a part of my current joy, just as Gresham helped Lewis understand that his current suffering was part of his past happiness.
Shortly thereafter I sat with my guitar and found perfect chords to go with these words. It remained a key part of performances for several years and Mike and I performed it frequently as a duo in later years with his lap steel adding a great psychedelic edge to it. This version revolves around my organ part and some arpeggios on the Stratocaster inspired by my original demo recorded at my mom’s house shortly after I wrote the song.